


Just to Find This Perfect Spot

by alison



Series: It's a You and Me House [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Sexual Content, Underage Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 21:23:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alison/pseuds/alison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry are ten when they build the treehouse. They're eleven when Harry starts bringing Nick around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just to Find This Perfect Spot

**Author's Note:**

> There are actually way too many possible tags for this. Covers ages 11-18. Apologies for any mistakes.

 

(10)

Louis and Harry are ten when they build the treehouse; that is, when Harry's uncle builds it for them. The boys help as much as they can, which mostly consists of handing tools to Harry's uncle and staining the wood, but it's enough to make it feel like it's theirs, like it belongs to them. 

They've picked the perfect spot for it in a big oak right on the border between their back gardens. The trunk of the tree falls just inside Harry's garden, but the treehouse hovers over Louis' garden, the branches spreading out over the boundary. They planned it this way so neither boy could kick the other out if they ever got into a row. It was decidedly both of theirs.

 

(11)

So when Harry starts inviting his second best friend over to hang out with them in the treehouse without his permission, Louis doesn't think it's very fair. Not very fair at all.

The first time Harry crawls up the steep ladder with Nick following behind him, Louis glares at both of them for a full ten minutes and in his head he's practicing what he'll say to Harry when they're alone. 

Later his mom will smile and pat his arm and tell him that it seems like Louis's a little jealous, but he promises that's not it. It's not that Harry has another friend - he has plenty of other friends himself, thank you - and it's not that Nick is three years older than them and _fourteen year olds just don't hang out with eleven year olds_. It's that Nick is absolutely terrible. He thinks he's so cool and smart and he really likes the sound of his own voice and Louis can't stand him.

But Harry likes him, thinks he's funny, and Louis doesn't understand why. He suspects it's just because he's older and Harry has fallen for his act of being far cooler than everyone else. He brings these stupid mix CDs when he comes to the treehouse and makes them listen to bands Louis' never heard of. When he hears the music, he's not surprised he's never heard of them. No one who can hear properly would enjoy this stuff, he thinks, but Harry nods along and says he likes it and he seems to be sincere but Louis thinks it has to be a lie. When Nick condescendingly asks Louis what he thinks, Louis just rolls his eyes and Nick looks pleased with himself as he and Harry go back to talking about the tattoos they're going to get when they're old enough.

When Nick doesn't come, when he's busy with his other friends, Louis and Harry go back to normal. Harry hugs the grumpy out of Louis and they play war and laugh at each other's jokes. They're them again and it just makes it harder the next time Nick comes over and Harry's attention isn't on him. 

Not that he's jealous. Because he's not.  


 

(12)  
As time goes on, Nick keeps coming around and he and Louis have figured out how to be around each other. It involves lots of nasty comments toward each other, but at least they're speaking.

Sometimes Harry has to go inside for dinner and family time and Nick stays in the treehouse. Louis doesn't know why he stays, wonders if maybe Nick doesn't like his family or if he's lying when he says he has loads of other friends. Or maybe he just really enjoys being condescending and has picked Louis as an easy target. 

One evening after Harry has been called inside by his mum, Nick stays and pulls a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it up. He blows the smoke out of the window and Louis tries not to stare, dropping his gaze to his knees.

"Where'd you even get that?" Louis asks grumpily, kicking at the floor with his shoe.

"I have other friends, you know. Older friends."

Louis scoffs. Sure he does.

"So why aren't you with them now?"

"Didn't want you to be lonely. Want a drag?" Nick offers the cigarette to Louis but Louis makes a face.

"Smells awful."

Nick smiles easily, then takes another drag himself.

"Whatever you say, kid."

"Stop calling me kid!" Louis yells and he knows he's overreacting but how many times have they had this argument at this point?

Nick laughs, he always laughs, and it makes Louis feel so small which is ridiculous because usually Louis feels larger than life, like he could take flight at any given moment, but not when Nick laughs at him.

"Yeah, yeah, you're not a kid, I know the drill." Nick stubs out the cigarette on the floor and Louis watches, glaring. "Bet you haven't even kissed anyone yet."

"Have so," Louis mumbles, going back to scuffing his shoe against the floor.

"Harry doesn't count."

And Louis doesn't reply but he wants to know why Harry doesn't count. He has lips, doesn't he? It's still a kiss even if it's two best mates trying to figure out how kissing even _works_.

"Want to see what a real kiss is like?"

Louis' eyes go wide and he looks up to see Nick with a challenging smirk on his face.

"With you? Gross!"

Nick shrugs and stands up, grabbing his coat.

"Have it your way, kid."

Louis wants to yell again but he doesn't. He watches Nick disappear down the ladder and spends the rest of the night wondering what it would be like. A real kiss.

 

(13)

On Louis' thirteenth birthday, Harry brings a plate of cupcakes that he's baked and decorated himself and tells Louis to close his eyes while he lights the candles. His party was the weekend before to avoid Christmas, but Harry insists on celebrating on the actual night. He can't stay long because he has family staying over from up north for the holiday, but he sings Louis happy birthday and eats two cupcakes while Louis eats one.

“You're a teenager, Lou,” Harry says, frosting smeared around his mouth. “Are you excited?”

“I guess,” Louis shrugs, but he smiles at the goofy look on Harry's face. “You'll be one yourself pretty soon.” He pokes Harry in the belly and Harry laughs, pushing his hands away before curling up into Louis' side. 

“You're my best friend, Lou,” he sighs.

They do this sometimes, remind each other that they're important even though it doesn't really need to be said. They've been best friends since they learned to walk and it's never really been a question, but sometimes they say it just to be sure.

“I know, dummy.”

And they swear to always be best friends and to never keep secrets from each other and they pinky promise on it because that's how being best friends works, like a promise. 

 

A half hour after Harry goes back into his house, Louis is still in the treehouse, huddling next to the space heater and watching the snow fall outside. He knows he should be inside spending Christmas Eve with his family, but it's quiet out here and he doesn't fancy the idea of going inside to listen to his sisters scream at each other. So, he stays in the treehouse, even considering the idea of spending the night there.

Then he hears someone climbing the ladder and he thinks it must be Harry coming back and he grins until he sees that it's actually Nick.

“Hey,” Nick says, pausing at the top of the ladder. “Mind if I come in?”

Louis gives a noncommital shrug and Nick takes that as a yes, stepping inside. He brushes the snow off of his shoulders and shakes out his hair before sitting on the floor across from Louis next to the space heater.

“Heard it's your birthday,” he says, looking around. “Some party this is.”

“I had my party last week, you twat.”

Nick gasps, clutching a hand to his chest.

“And I wasn't invited?!”

Nick drops the act and picks up a melting cupcake, swiping at the frosting with his finger and sticking it in his mouth. Louis eyes him, waiting for a reason that he's here, but Nick just keeps sucking frosting off his finger like it's perfectly natural for him to be here with Louis on Christmas Eve. Finally, Louis gives up and just asks.

“What exactly are you doing here anyway?”

Nick pauses, finger halfway in his mouth and smirks around it. He pulls it out with a pop and wipes his wet finger on his trousers.

“Like I said, it's your birthday. I'm celebrating.” Nick says easily, but Louis quirks an eyebrow up at him, not believing it. “Also Harry said he made cupcakes,” Nick adds with a shrug.

“You came over here in the snow for a cupcake? On Christmas Eve?”

Nick licks another glob of frosting from his finger, looking toward the wall.

“I like it here. It's quiet.”

And that's when Louis realizes he doesn't know all that much about Nick aside from his horrid taste in music and clothing. Maybe he has baby sisters screaming around his house, too. Or maybe he lives with his grandparents and they turn the telly up really loud because they're half deaf. Or maybe his parents fight the way Louis' parents used to fight, back when his dad still lived with them.

So he decides to give him the benefit of the doubt and holds back from asking more questions, even though he's suddenly very curious about Nick's life outside of the treehouse.

“Had to give you your present, too.”

At that, Louis' eyes bulge so wide it gives him an instant headache.

“You got me a present?” he asks in disbelief.

“Well, sort of.”

Then Louis realizes he's probably going to pull out a stick of gum or something he's picked out of the rubbish. Nick stands and goes over to the door and reaches out, pulling a plastic bag in that must have been hanging from the ladder. He walks back to Louis and sits down where he'd been before and shoves the bag toward Louis.

“My mum made me clean out the attic last week and I saw it and thought you'd like it.”

Louis is really expecting it to be something covered in dog poo as he opens the bag, but inside he finds a framed picture of the Hollywood sign. He barely even remembers telling Nick about his fascination with Hollywood, about how he wants to move there when he's finished with school and be an actor or something cool like that, but he must have. He was probably talking about it with Harry and didn't even remember that Nick was there.

“Like I said, not a big deal, just thought you could hang it next to your movie posters,” Nick says, gesturing at the wall Louis and Harry have slowly covered with posters of bands and movies and celebrities.

“No, it's really cool. Thanks, Nick.”

The words taste strange on his tongue, but Louis really is thankful that Nick thought of him. Nick shrugs and goes back to picking at his cupcake.

 

The moment passes and they're back to normal. Nick asks if Louis has seen the latest horror movie and Louis says no, acting like he doesn't care about it when really he's just not allowed to go see those kinds of movies. Nick tells him about basically every scene before he falls silent again. After a few minutes, Louis asks the question that's been on the tip of his tongue for a while now.

“Why'd you say Harry didn't count when you asked if I'd ever kissed anyone?”

Nick scrunches up his face for a minute, thinking, then has a moment of realization. “Oh god, that? You're still thinking about that?”

“I'm just curious,” Louis says, attempting to sound casual, but probably coming off as defensive.

“Because he's your best mate.”

“But it's still a kiss.”

“It's like the same as kissing your mum, it's not a real kiss.”

Nick studies Louis for a second and Louis avoids eye contact, picking at a spot on his jeans.

“Oh,” Nick says softly. “Oh, you still haven't had your first kiss?”

And Louis wants to disappear. He's pretty sure his cheeks have turned a deep shade of red and he can feel Nick judging him from across the small room.

“Hey, I offered to fix that for you months ago. But apparently you're too good for me, so...” He trails off and Louis doesn't look up but he can hear the smirk in his voice and he kind of wants to hit him. “Offer stands, you know. If you want to see what it's like.”

Louis finally looks up and sees a challenge in Nick's eyes. Louis sucks in a breath and he can't believe he actually wants to kiss Nick Grimshaw, even if it _is_ just to see what it's like. After mulling it over, he gives in, sighing.

“Fine.”

“Fine?” Nick repeats, pushing a hand through his hair. “Could show a bit more enthusiasm but whatever.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Nick smirks again and pushes himself up to scoot closer to Louis. Once he's sitting right in front of him, their knees touching, Louis licks his lips in anticipation. Nick leans forward slowly and Louis mirrors him, his heart racing, until they meet in the middle. 

Louis's surprised that Nick's lips are so soft and they're warm and Louis feels his own lips melt into them. They don't move at first, just rest there, enjoying the warmth. But then Nick tilts his head to the side a bit and his lips are moving against Louis'. Louis doesn't know quite what to do so he tries to copy Nick, moving his lips as well, and Nick's right about this being different from kissing Harry. This is definitely different. After couple of minutes, Nick pulls back enough to speak.

“Open up,” he says softly, then his mouth is back on Louis' and Louis can feel his tongue against the seam of his lips.

And then it all changes because Nick's tongue is sliding against Louis' tongue and fuck if that doesn't send a shiver down Louis' spine. Again, he doesn't know quite what to do with his tongue, so he lets Nick do most of the work, just swiping his tongue against Nick's from time to time. He notices that Nick tastes sweet from the frosting and wonders if he actually always tastes a little bit sweet.

It's good, really good, and Louis doesn't actually want it to end. He wants to do this all night, until his lips are numb, but eventually he runs out of breath. He pulls back, tugging his tongue back into his own mouth and Nick places one more kiss against his lips before sitting up straight, looking down at Louis, eyebrows raised.

“So?” he asks, a little out of breath.

Louis sort of nods as an admission that it was pretty good as he catches his own breath. Nick laughs lightly and Louis doesn't see what's so funny, but whatever, he just snogged someone. 

“Not bad for your first time, kid,” Nick says and Louis knows he says it on purpose to irritate him.

“You go around kissing _kids_ a lot then?” Louis bites back.

“Only the cute ones.” Nick smiles, patting Louis' cheek and stands up. “Gotta get back home. Happy birthday and all that.” He waves his hand through the air as he says it, turning away. 

“Yeah, thanks,” Louis replies and it's the only thing he can think to say right now because this has been a really strange night, but he's officially had his first kiss and it was _good_ and he thinks it's maybe his best birthday yet.

 

(14)

Louis has started dating a girl named Emma. She's really nice and Louis thought he'd give it a try. He never really thought about girls like that before, but he wondered if maybe he just hadn't met the right girl. So when Emma asked if he wanted to go to the movies, Louis agreed.

Now Emma is in the treehouse for the first time and they're looking through a magazine together when Harry and Nick enter. Harry has already met her, but Nick clearly doesn't know anything about her and is surprised to see someone else there.

“Oh. Hi.” 

And it's sort of interesting to see Nick interact with someone other than Harry and himself. Louis finds himself wondering if he says "please" and "thank you" to his grandparents or if he gets nervous when he gets in trouble by his teachers.

“This is Emma,” Louis says nudging his head toward her. “That's Nick.”

Emma says a polite hello and Nick nods tightly. He seems uncomfortable and now it's Louis' turn to smirk. 

An awkward silence settles in and Nick looks like he might just get up and leave, but luckily Harry rolls right over the tension and starts rambling on about a movie he saw the night before. 

An hour later, Emma is leaving and she shyly kisses Louis on the cheek before disappearing down the ladder. Once she's gone, no one speaks for a minute until Nick turns to Louis, confusion etched into his face.

“You do know you're gay, right?”

Louis's taken aback at that: not at the thought of him being gay, because he's certainly thought it himself more than a few times, but because Nick seems so sure. 

“How do you know that? I don't even know that. Just because I've only kissed boys before doesn't mean-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Harry says quickly, jumping into the conversation. “Boys? As in more than one? As in more than just me?”

Well, piss it. Louis goes red and looks down at his hands. He tells Harry everything, he really does, but he couldn't bring himself to tell him about the kiss with Nick. He felt awkward about it and thought Harry might get upset, or worse, read something into it. It was just a kiss and Louis knew that, but he figured Harry might tease him or think this meant they were going to be boyfriends now or something.

“No, not- I mean, just...” Louis can't look at either of them; can't look at Harry because he probably looks really angry and can't look at Nick because he's embarrassed.

“Who else did you kiss, Louis? And why didn't you tell me?” 

“It was nothing, Harry. Don't worry about it.”

“And you're still not going to tell me. Lovely.” 

And yeah, Harry's angry. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it really upsets Louis. So when Harry leaves the treehouse, stalking off toward his house, Louis shudders a bit and buries his face in his hands. Moments later, he feels an arm slip around his shoulders, fingertips rubbing against his arm. 

“So why didn't you just tell him?” Nick asks.

“Dunno,” Louis says, shrugging, his face still resting in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees.

A minute or two passes before Nick speaks again, knocking his own knee against Louis'.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” Louis sighs, finally lifting his head up. “Just hate when he's angry with me.” 

He looks up and Nick is a lot closer than he expected. He swallows hard because Nick is looking into his eyes and then his gaze falls down Louis' face before it flicks back up to his eyes. Louis feels like he's being burned by those eyes and he swallows again.

“Seriously, do you know that you're gay?”

“What makes you so sure of that?” Louis asks quietly.

“I know a thing or two about this subject. Trust me.”

“I just thought maybe I hadn't given girls a proper try yet. I mean, Emma's really sweet and I like spending time with her and-”

Louis is interrupted when Nick's lips are suddenly covering his own. For a long moment he's frozen, has no idea what's going on but soon he starts kissing back, moving his lips slowly against Nick's. He needs answers, though, and he pulls back a bit to ask.

“What are you doing?”

Nick smiles and kisses him again, breathing words into his lips.

"Trying to make a point. Is it working?"

"Apparently not," Louis mumbles into the kiss. "Because I'm lost."

And he's completely confused but Nick's lips feel so good against his that he can't pull out of it. He lets Nick suck his bottom lip between his own and he releases a breathy moan back into the older boy's mouth. Nick pushes Louis back against floor, hovering above him.

"You can like spending time with her and still not want to do this with her."

And yeah, Louis has to admit to himself that he definitely wouldn't trade Nick for her in this moment, especially not when Nick's hips move against his own, sending sparks through his lower abdomen.

Nick lowers his mouth to Louis' ear and speaks, his voice low.

"And you can want to do this with me, but not like spending time with me, too." Nick nips at Louis' ear and, fuck, he's getting hard now and Nick's still pressing his hips into his.

Louis whines a bit, pulling Nick's lips back to his own and kissing him desperately. It's messy because Louis still isn't a pro at kissing, hasn't had a lot of practice, but he thinks he's doing alright anyway. Good enough that Nick is excitedly pushing their tongues together and that's enough for Louis.

When Nick pushes his hips down again, Louis can feel that he's hard, too, and his eyes roll back in his head at the feeling. It's the first time he's felt a hard dick pressed up against his own, even through clothing, and the sensation makes his head spin.

Louis whines again because he's getting uncomfortable in his pants but he doesn't want to stop even for a second and everything's so fast but he still needs more.

"Ever had someone wank you?" Nick asks, pushing himself up to look into Louis' eyes.

Louis shakes his head because he hasn't, not really. He and Harry touched each other a few times when they were young, back before they really knew what wanking was, but not like that. It was just silly fumbling around, not getting each other off. That was an entirely different thing.

"Want to?" Nick asks, the hint of a smile on his face, like he already knows the answer.

Well, of fucking course he does. Jesus.

"Okay," Louis says, trying not to sound overly eager, but he ends up sounding a little awestruck, like he can't believe Nick even offered and that is not what he was going for at all.

Nick's smile widens and he pulls Louis up and moves them so he's almost in Nick's lap, his legs hooked over Nick's, his bum on the floor. Nick's hands move to Louis' waist and unbutton his trousers, pushing them down and Louis would sigh in relief at the lack of restriction if he wasn't so aware of what was about to happen.

Once Nick has Louis' trousers and pants pushed down, freeing his erection, Louis wraps his feet behind Nick's back. 

Nick's hand touches him, softly at first, and it's insane, Louis thinks. Someone else is touching his dick. _Fuck._

Then Nick grips him and starts stroking and _shit_. Louis drops his head back, closing his eyes so he can focus only on the feeling of Nick's large hand wrapped around him because he thinks maybe he'll want to remember this.

“Feel good?” Nick asks.

“Yeah, fucking amazing,” he mumbles as Nick's fingers slide down, pulling his foreskin taut and sending a tingling feeling all the way through him.

Nick's hand keeps moving up and down and Louis' hips move up to meet it once because he can't keep still. He bites his lip and pulls his head back up and sees Nick watching him. 

“You look good like this,” he says and his eyes are dark but there's still a devilish twinkle behind them. 

Louis wrinkles up his forehead as Nick picks up his pace and he whimpers a bit, desperate for it. He dives forward, capturing Nick's lips and they're kissing, lips parted, but Louis can't concentrate enough to bother with tongues. Just lips on lips, breathing into each other's mouths.

Louis's getting close, feels it building up and he wants it to last longer but he wants to come so badly, too. His grip tightens on Nick's back and he grabs fistfuls of Nick's shirt and Nick smiles against his lips and loosens his grip, slowing down his movements. Louis groans loudly in frustration but can't find the words he needs. 

“Sorry, I'm having fun,” Nick says, smiling. “Didn't want it over just yet.”

But his hand is still on him and Louis forces himself not to buck into it, planting his bum on the floor. He tries his best to glare.

“I don't like you very much,” he says, somewhere between a whine and a huff.

Nick grips him firmly again, causing Louis' eyelids to flutter down.

“Like I said, you don't have to. But you like me getting you off.” Nick leans forward to kiss Louis again shortly. “And I like getting you off.”

Nick's hand is moving faster now and Louis's getting close again and soon he's letting out a stream of breathy noises. Nick doesn't stop this time, thank god, he keeps his pace and Louis opens his eyes to find Nick watching again, just watching, the corner of his lip tucked up under his teeth in concentration. Louis keeps the eye contact for as long as he can, but then it's hitting him and he squeezes his eyes shut.

He comes hard, Nick stroking him through it, and he lets his forehead drop down onto Nick's shoulder as he finishes, breathing raggedly. His head is fuzzy for a minute and he just sits there, feeling like dead weight against Nick's body as he comes down.

For a delirious moment he thinks he needs to thank Harry for dragging this twat along with him three years ago because it's just that good, this feeling; good enough to feel thankful that Nick has been tagging along all this time.

 

When Louis enters the treehouse the next day, Harry is there, hugging his knees to his chest and he looks nervous. Louis knows it's because of their mini-fight the day before and quickly settles down in front of him.

“Harry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, okay?”

“But why didn't you?”

And he looks upset, so Louis hugs him tightly, glad when Harry lets him. “It's just embarrassing and I couldn't.”

Harry's frowning, Louis can tell, and he squeezes him harder. “I just... We promised not to keep secrets from each other, you know?”

Louis swallows and pulls out of the hug, looking into Harry's huge green eyes. He wants to tell him, but he knows he can't, especially after what happened last night. And it sucks because he wants to tell him how amazing it was, how he woke up with a huge smile on his face this morning, but he knows it would be awkward for everyone. Nick might even stop coming around.

“This isn't a secret, though. It's barely anything.”

“Then just tell me, Lou, come on,” Harry says, getting frustrated.

Louis has a decision to make and it rips him apart as he makes it. “Remember that kid who moved away last summer? Ben?”

“Oh my god, really? You _kissed_ him?”

Louis feels terrible as he makes up a story about kissing Ben, drawing inspiration from the actual experience of his first kiss. 

It's the first real lie he's ever told Harry and it sits with him for a long time, heavy in the pit of his stomach.

 

(15)

Louis has his first boyfriend, Jacob, and he really likes him, he thinks. They met online and he only lives two towns away so they met at a coffee shop and started dating soon after.

When Louis tells Harry, Harry asks about a dozen questions in thirty seconds and Louis laughs, telling him to slow down.

“Okay, just tell me how it happened.”

“He asked me out to the movies and he held my hand and when we were waiting for his mum to pick us up, he asked if I would be his boyfriend.”

It's not a big deal but Harry is looking at him like Louis told him he landed a starring role in a big budget romantic comedy or something.

“Have you kissed him?”

“Not yet.”

Just then, Nick enters the treehouse, looking sour. He nods at Harry and Louis and angrily throws his jacket to the ground, laying down. Harry looks at Louis with his eyebrows raised curiously.

“What's wrong, Nick?” Harry asks with trepidation.

“Fucking parents,” he grumbles back.

Nick never talks about his family or anything real, actually, so Louis is curious to know what's happened.

“What'd they do?” Louis asks and Nick meets his eyes for a moment before staring at the ceiling.

“I finished sixth form for them and I took the fucking A levels for them and there's this really cool internship but they want me to go to uni. And I'd say fuck them and move out, but it's an unpaid internship.”

“Can you do both? Uni and the internship?” Harry asks, trying to be helpful.

“You've known me how many years? Do I seem like an overachiever to you?” Nick says flatly, not even looking back at them.

Harry frowns at Louis and Louis shrugs because he doesn't know how to be helpful in this situation. After a few minutes of Nick silently fuming, Harry speaks up, hoping to take his mind off it.

“Well, Louis has a boyfriend, so you can tease him about that if it'll make you feel better,” he suggests and Louis gives him a look that says “thanks, thanks a lot for that”.

Nick doesn't speak though, doesn't even turn his head. Louis can actually see his jaw clenching. Then, he's pushing himself off the floor and picking up his jacket.

“I have to go.” He walks to the door and hesitates for a second. He adds: “Congratulations, Lou. On the boyfriend.”

And he gives Louis a forced smile before he climbs down the ladder. 

He and Harry go back to talking about his movie date after Nick has left, Harry asking excited questions, but it's all a little less exciting now and Louis's not sure why.

 

It's noon on a Tuesday when Louis is sitting in the treehouse, trying to focus on his maths assignment, but really he's just staring blankly out the window. He sees Nick crossing his back garden and squints for a split second before lifting his hand to his eye in pain.

Nick appears at the door moments later and when he sees Louis, he freezes.

“Hey, didn't know you'd be-” He stops himself, eyes widening. “Fuck, what happened to you?”

“Got in a fight.”

A fight that has left him with a disgusting black eye, already turning purplish in spots. A fight that started when two guys from school decided that Louis talking about his boyfriend was the most offensive thing anyone could possibly do and took it out on his face.

“Jesus, hope you got in a few good shots yourself,” Nick says, wincing as he takes a closer look at the damage, peering down at Louis' face.

“Why else do you think I'm here in the middle of the day?”

“Suspended?”

Louis nods. He may not have been as successful as the other two guys were in connecting, but he had swung a few punches, managing to get one guy right on the chin. So he was suspended for three days, which seemed like a silly punishment, but he wasn't planning to mention that to anyone else.

“So, what are you doing here then? Do you come here a lot when we're in school?”

“Not a lot, no,” Nick says, shaking his head and taking off his jacket. “Just needed somewhere to smoke this.”

And he pulls what appears to be a spliff out of his pocket along with a lighter. Louis doesn't say anything as Nick lights up, just watches as Nick takes a hit from the spliff and moves over to Louis, leaning back against the wall next to him.

“What'd you get in a fight over anyway?”

Louis doesn't really want to talk about it, doesn't want Nick to think he's some weak kid getting picked on, so he shrugs and takes a sip from his Coke, hoping Nick will drop it. But after he takes another hit, Nick looks over at him and lifts his hand to Louis' face, brushing his fingertips against his skin, just below his eye.

“Well, I think it's a nice looking bruise. Purple's my favourite colour.”

“Shut up,” Louis replies. 

Nick winks, then knocks the dead ashes from the end of the spliff into an empty can and lifts it to his lips, taking another drag.

“You know, it's rude to bring weed over to someone else's treehouse and not offer to share.”

“Wouldn't want to corrupt you. Clearly you're already headed down the dangerous path of delinquency.” He gestures toward Louis' eye. “Couldn't live with myself if I played a part in your downward spiral.”

Louis kicks his foot stubbornly. “Tosser.” 

Nick smiles, then sighs, rolling his eyes. “Fine, but just one hit. Call it pain management.”

Louis grins, sitting up straight and holding his hands out greedily. 

“Hold on. This'll be easier,” Nick says holding the spliff up to his own lips. “Just suck when I blow, okay?”

Louis nods, a little confused, and watches as Nick takes a drag, then turns to face Louis. He leans in until his lips are resting against Louis' and starts exhaling. Louis does as he was told and sucks in, feeling the rank smoke burn his throat. It tastes foul but he sucks until Nick pulls back a bit then starts to exhale, but Nick puts his hand over Louis' mouth.

“Hold it in for a second.”

Louis holds it until Nick nods, removing his hand, then he exhales. He hopes the feeling is better than the taste, because he can't imagine anyone actually enjoys that part.

After a few minutes, it's starting to hit him and it's a really strange feeling. Tired, but not in the way that he wants to fall asleep. His limbs feel heavy and he's quite happy to just sit there and listen to Nick go on about the song he's started playing on his phone.

When a silence falls over them, Nick plays another song and after a couple of minutes, he bumps his elbow against Louis'.

“One more hit?”

Louis smiles and nods because there's actually nothing he'd like more. Nick pulls the spliff between his lips and repeats his earlier motions, resting his lips against Louis' as he blows, but this time he doesn't pull away as Louis holds the smoke in. He kisses him and Louis' dizzy from holding in the breath, so he exhales around Nick's lips. Nick bites his bottom lip softly and Louis moans into the kiss.

And in the back of Louis' mind, he reminds himself that he has a boyfriend and that this isn't right, but he doesn't spend much time on that thought because this so clearly _is_ right. He doesn't hesitate at all in pulling Nick closer and dragging his lips against the older boy's because, yeah, this is fucking right.

After snogging for a while, Nick wanks Louis again, but this time Louis gets Nick off, too. He feels Nick's cock throb under his fingers and listens to Nick breathe into his ear and when he moans Louis knows that he's doing that, he's responsible for that.

And it's fucking awesome. 

 

(16)

The boyfriend is long gone and Louis and Nick have made a habit of getting each other off. Not daily or weekly, but every once in a while when Harry's not around, they fool around and it's wonderful, really, but Louis's getting curious. He's sixteen and half of his friends have had sex and even though they're almost all straight and it's different for them, Louis wants to know. 

He tells Nick he thinks he's ready and Nick hesitates before asking if Louis wants it to be him. Louis says yes, of course, because who else is going to do it? Besides, he and Nick have been doing stuff and it just seems natural that it should be him. 

Louis points out that Harry's going out of town that weekend and Nick nods knowingly and that's the end of that conversation.

 

“Do you want to?” Nick asks.

They're sitting cross-legged facing each other and Louis can already feel his hands shaking. He wants to blame the chill in the air, but the heater in the corner is filling the small space with warmth and he doesn't think the excuse would fly.

“May as well,” he replies, trying to sound confident, but it doesn't quite work. There's a quiver in his voice and he's sure he's not the only one hearing it.

“It's going to hurt, you know.”

As if he doesn't know that, he thinks to himself, but he nods anyway.

“Yeah.” 

They sit in silence as Nick surveys Louis' face for a while, like he's trying to decide whether Louis is sure or not. And fuck, of course he's not sure. He's terrified, but he wants it and he wants it to be Nick.

Finally Nick nods and now even he looks a little nervous as he pulls a condom out of his pocket along with a packet of something that Louis assumes is lube. Louis' hands are shaking in earnest now, but he pushes them under his thighs to hide it.

Nick sets the things aside and pushes himself up onto his knees, crawling toward Louis. His large hand pushes Louis back until they're both laying side by side on the blanket spread out on the wood floor. When Nick's lips touch his, he tries to block out all of the other thoughts and get his mind into the moment. This is actually happening.

But the thoughts are difficult to block out as Nick's hands fumble with Louis' t-shirt, pulling it up until it gets trapped, forcing Louis to sit up and remove it himself. Nick removes his own shirt and Louis can't help but notice how much chest hair he already has. His own chest is practically bald, just a few light brown hairs scattered across his tan skin.

“Jeans, too,” Nick directs and although he doesn't pose it as a question, his voice is softer than usual and Louis is grateful for it.

When they're both stripped down to their pants, Nick kisses him again softly, then reaches for the packet of what is indeed lube. 

“I have to use my fingers first.”

Louis nods. He's read a pamphlet or two about this type of thing and he's certainly seen the porn, but it's all really different in real life. So he waits for Nick to tell him what to do instead of making assumptions. 

“I think... On your back for this part,” Nick says and he doesn't sound entirely confident, but Louis trusts him. 

So he falls back, spread out on the floor and Nick pulls Louis' pants down. Louis takes a deep breath as he hears Nick tearing open the plastic of the packet. He watches as Nick coats his fingers with the substance then settles himself between Louis' legs and it's all starting to feel very much like a visit to the doctor. Louis wonders how people deal with this, how they find it sexy.

“Tell me if it hurts too much, yeah?” Nick asks and Louis sees the worry in his eyes.

“Yeah, I'll tell you. Just-” Louis looks down, his eyebrows knit together.

“Just what?”

“Just go slow.”

Nick pulls himself up to kiss Louis, short and sweet, and says “'course” as he moves back down into position. Louis feels the slicked up fingers touch him and he shivers. Moments later, he feels the finger pushing into him. And it's not so bad, he thinks; not good, but not bad. As Nick moves the finger in and out, Louis waits for it to feel good, for something to snap, but it's just weird and a little uncomfortable. After a few minutes, Louis still doesn't know what's supposed to be happening.

“Do you think I can add another finger?” Nick asks.

Louis says “yeah” and Nick does and oh, there's a little bit of pain. Not a lot but a twinge and Louis's almost glad for it because at least it's something. Maybe the pain means the pleasure will come after.

And it's weird laying here with Nick's long fingers moving inside him. If he could stop thinking for a minute about what will happen next and what he's supposed to be doing, maybe he could see how it would be hot. But his mind is too preoccupied for that.

“Think I'm supposed to do one more,” Nick says quietly and Louis could almost laugh because he's so focused, so concentrated on what he's doing, but Louis doesn't laugh because this isn't the time.

“Go ahead.”

And Nick does add another, but he has a hard time working the third finger in, twisting his hand around to try to slide it in, and that definitely hurts. Louis cringes as it awkwardly pushes in and Nick stops for a second.

“Sorry, fuck, sorry, it's just difficult.”

Louis shakes his head quickly and encourages him to keep going. So Nick works the finger the rest of the way in and Louis tries to keep his face straight but this doesn't feel good at all. Once Nick has all three fingers in properly, he starts pumping them in and out slowly and it's still not good and Louis just doesn't understand. How does this feel good to anyone?

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, a bit,” Louis responds in a whisper.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Louis quickly shakes his head because they got this far and he doesn't want to back out now. 

“No, let's just do it.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now, just do it.”

He pulls his fingers out and Louis tries to relax as Nick puts on the condom and squirts more of the lube onto his hand, coating himself and stroking to get harder. Louis thinks it's lucky that Nick's a teenage boy and that teenage boys don't need a lot of encouragement to get hard because none of this is particularly sexy.

“Can you get on your hands and knees? Just easier that way.”

Louis rolls over, doing as he's told and he immediately feels completely exposed, his arse spread open and slick with lube as he rests his elbows on the floor. It's not a great feeling, but soon Nick's hand is on his hip, offering some comfort.

“You ready?” Nick asks and Louis thinks he detects some shakiness in his voice.

“Yeah, just do it,” Louis repeats because he just wants it done. He wants to be able to say he's not a virgin anymore, wants to know what it feels like. 

But when the head of Nick's dick is pressing against him, he acknowledges silently that maybe he's not actually ready for this. Maybe he's a bit terrified.

And then he's pushing in and it feels like Louis is being ripped open. He drops his forehead onto his arm and bites his lip hard, trying not to make a noise. He knew it would hurt, he tells himself, he knew it, he knew it. 

But he didn't know it would be like this. It's not just the pain, which is admittedly strong. It's this feeling of being violated and Nick is going so slow and his thumbs are rubbing against Louis' hips and he couldn't be gentler, but the feeling is still there. Like this just isn't right.

Nick stalls, breathing harshly and Louis' eyes are squeezed tightly shut against his arm and he can hear his own heartbeat hammering in his ears. 

“Are you okay?”

Louis doesn't know what to say. He supposes this is part of it, that it'll get better soon, but something inside of him is screaming that he doesn't want to continue. He forces himself to nod anyway, hoping that this feeling is momentary.

Nick pushes in a bit more and begins rocking his hips slowly. Louis _knows_ he's going slowly, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels like giant waves crashing into him and it's overwhelming.

He's absolutely humiliated because he can feel tears spilling onto his arm and he feels a million other things; guilty and disappointed and scared, but mostly he just hurts. There's no pleasure with this pain, it's just pain, and he just wants it to be over. And he hates that he wants it to be over because it's not supposed to be like this, but he says it anyway.

"Stop," he chokes out and he tries so hard not to let Nick know that he's crying, but his chest heaves and he can't keep the small sob in.

Nick pulls out slowly and even that hurts, but soon he's out and Louis falls to the floor and immediately scrambles for his clothes in case Nick is going to try to comfort him. That's the last thing he needs, so he finds his pants and his jeans and starts pulling them on and his hands won't stop shaking, his whole body won't stop shaking, but he focuses on getting dressed instead of that.

Nick is getting dressed, too, and the air is thick with the loudest silence Louis has ever experienced and he hates it again, hates that it's like this. Once Nick is dressed, he hesitates and Louis' back is to him but he can hear the hesitation in the small room.

"Are you okay?" His voice is quiet. Small. Not like Nick.

"Fine," Louis says thickly, wiping his face with his his shirt.

"Should I-"

"Just go, okay?" 

And Louis doesn't turn around until he hears Nick climbing down the stairs out of sight. When he's sure Nick is out of ear range, he lets himself cry again, thinking to himself that he's technically no longer a virgin.

And he never thought he'd think this, but he really wishes he was.

  


Louis doesn't go to the treehouse for a month. Whenever he sees Harry and Nick out there from his bedroom window, he turns off his light. Once he thinks he sees Nick looking up at his window as Louis clicks off the lamp but he turns away before he can be sure.

He finally returns, though, when Harry's at a family reunion for the night. He lay on the stale smelling blanket and looks up at the stars through the window.

The stairs creak below him and he sits up, knowing it's not Harry climbing them. When Nick's head appears, he takes a deep breath. Nick hasn't seen him yet, probably wasn't expecting him to be there, but when he enters through the opening, his eyes meet Louis' and he startles.

"Oh fuck, you scared me," he says frantically.

"Sorry, but I'm pretty sure this is my treehouse and not yours," Louis mumbles lowly. There's no heat behind the words, no sharpness, but Nick frowns.

"You just haven't been around in a while. Just came to get my jacket. Left it here the other night."

Louis shrugs and gestures for Nick to go ahead and drops back against the floor, gaze returning to the window.

Nick lay down next to him and they stare out at the stars together in silence for a long while before Nick finally speaks.

"Sorry about that night."

"Not your fault," Louis says quietly and Nick goes to speak, but Louis continues, blocking his words. "I'd really rather just pretend it didn't happen if that's okay."

Louis can't see Nick's face but hears his whispered "okay" and then it's silent again. And it's actually not a bad silence. Louis can hear insects buzzing outside the treehouse and the occasional bird and the rustling of leaves. It's kind of peaceful. After several minutes, Nick knocks his elbow lightly against Louis'.

"Tell me about that stupid musical you're in now."

"It's not _stupid,_ " Louis retorts.

" _Fine_ , just tell me about it, would you?"

"What about it?"

"I don't know," Nick sighs. "Like, what's it about?"

It's probably the first time Nick has ever asked Louis to talk about something going on in his life and it takes him by surprise. He starts telling him about the plot and the character he's playing and how he always messes up this one line at the very beginning. He tells him about his favourite song and how the whole cast starts giggling during this one scene and how he's worried they won't be able to keep straight faces during the actual performance. 

And at some point during all of this, Nick drops his arm between them, his hand falling next to Louis' and they're barely touching; Louis can barely feel it but it's there, the touch, and it sends a warm, fluttery feeling through his stomach. As he goes on talking, their fingers gravitate toward each other, slowly intertwining and it's the lightest thing, skin resting against skin, but it's everything. 

Nick's dick has been inside of him, Louis thinks. He's been _inside_ of him and somehow this is the furthest they've gone, laying here side by side, fingers resting together as Louis talks about the thing that makes him happiest and Nick smiles along, listening with rapt attention.

 

Two weeks later, Louis, Harry, and Nick are sitting in the treehouse after Louis' last performance. It's late, past midnight, and Harry's still talking excitedly about his favourite parts and saying over and over that Louis was by far the best one on stage and this is exactly why Louis loves him. Harry is always his biggest fan, always just as excited about Louis' triumphs as he is himself.

And it's exactly why Louis feels so fucking guilty that he's just waiting for Harry to be called inside by his mum or for Harry to get too tired to stay. He feels awful about it, but Nick showed up at the school and sat through two and a half hours of a crappy high school theatre and Louis knows that's a big thing for Nick. But he came and he smiled and he left before Louis came out from backstage to see his friends and family. And now Harry's here being annoyingly wonderful and he just wants a minute alone with Nick. Or an hour. Or a week. He's not sure.

He's also not sure why he wants to be alone with him, what he plans to do or say. Thank him, he guesses, but he could do that right here in front of Harry. Instead all he's doing is giving Nick these quick little glances and Nick's giving him these looks and there's something behind all of it but Louis doesn't know what. Maybe if he was alone with him, he could figure it out.

When Harry suggests that they all sleep out in the treehouse, Louis smiles tightly, clenching his teeth together and agrees because it's the least he can do for his stupidly perfect best friend. 

They stay up for another hour talking about their summer plans. Harry has decided that this will be the summer he's going to get laid, he says, and asks Louis if he wants to make a pact to both do it. Louis avoids Nick's stare as he smiles softly and says maybe, but he's not sure it'll be that easy. When Harry starts talking about his very detailed plan to make it happen, Louis chances a glance at Nick who gives him a sad half-smile before Louis looks away.

Finally, they lay down between the blankets they keep in the treehouse for such an occasion and Louis stares at the ceiling as he listens to the breathing of the boys next to him. Harry's eventually evens out as he drifts off and only then does Louis turn to look at Nick, who is also just staring at the ceiling. Instead of saying anything, Louis quietly gets up and reaches out for Nick's hand.

“Come on,” he whispers and Nick takes his hand and pulls himself up, following Louis to the door. 

Outside, there's a rickety little ladder that leads to the roof because Harry was really into astronomy when he was ten, even though he always called it astrology, and he wanted to be able to look at the stars from the roof. They rarely used it as they got older, preferring to sit inside and play games on their phones over climbing onto the roof for a science lesson.

So Louis climbs up the ladder and Nick follows, even though he looks a little terrified as he reaches the roof, stepping carefully like the whole thing could fall at any moment. And it could, Louis realizes. It was built by a guy who happened to have a set of tools and maybe built a spice rack once and Louis has never thought about how unstable this whole treehouse might be until now. 

He sits down on the wooden roof and Nicks sits next to him and they look up at the sky. The moon is bright and there are a few stars out, but it doesn't really matter because Louis's not actually looking at them.

“So, you came,” he says quietly, not wanting to wake Harry and not wanting to ruin the peaceful quiet hanging in the air.

“Yeah, I came.”

Nick keeps his gaze on the sky, squinting up at it like he's trying to decipher something.

“Did you like it?”

Now Nick's smiling and turning to Louis and his eyes search Louis' face for a moment before he looks up again.

“I loved it, actually.”

Louis smiles, relieved, because the sincerity in Nick's voice is evident. It's a rare quality for Nick – sincerity - so when it's there, it's screamingly obvious.

“What was your favourite part then?” Louis asks, leaning into Nick's shoulder for a second.

Nick appears to be thinking. His gaze drops from the sky to his hands and his brow is furrowed like this is a serious decision to make. Louis watches him, watches every tiny movement he makes until Nick finally looks up at him.

“It's hard to pick a favourite, really. But I'd have to say it was the first time you opened your mouth to sing. Because, fuck, I've never heard you sing before and it was incredible. Like oxygen-ripped-from-lungs incredible, you know? Like, if you ever want to call me in the middle of the night and just sing into the phone, that would be great because I'm already wondering when I'll get to hear it again.”

It's the best compliment Louis has ever received. Like an oxygen-ripped-from-lungs compliment and Louis' head is spinning from it and he can't feel his hands, but Nick keeps going.

“But pretty much every moment you were on stage was my favourite because you're good, Louis, really good and you made everyone around you better when you were up there. And I'm not just saying that because I want into your pants if that's what you're thinking. I need you to know that I mean it when I say you're fucking brilliant.”

Nick's looking into Louis' eyes and Louis is trying to find his breath because he really wasn't expecting this. He never could have imagined that Nick would be saying these things and he doesn't know what to do with it. He doesn't know how to say thank you for something this huge because the words don't carry enough weight. It's just, what? Eight letters? There's not enough space between those letters to hold what Louis needs to give him.

So he kisses him, kisses him breathless, and it's different from every other kiss they've shared because it's not for practice and it's not curiosity. There are words and feelings behind Louis' lips and it's new, but it's familiar, like Louis has had a dream like this.

And Nick kisses him back and Louis can feel the words and feelings behind his lips, too. He doesn't know what they are, but they're there and it's enough. When they pull away from each other, it feels like everything has been said, like no more words are needed. So they sit in silence for a while longer, Nick's fingertips playing against Louis' wrist before they go back down and fall asleep to the sounds of their own heartbeats and Harry's soft snoring.

 

(17)

It takes weeks of convincing before Nick will even consider it. Louis is glad he doesn't give in right away because, in all honesty, he's still afraid, but he wants to try again.

“Nick,” Louis whines as Nick's lips are around his cock. “Fuck, please?”

Nick shakes his head 'no' with Louis still in his mouth and it's sort of obscene, makes Louis thrust up into his mouth.

“Come on,” and he drags out the last 'n' as Nick's tongue swirls around and Louis is pretty sure he's seeing stars.

Within seconds, he's coming into Nick's mouth and that's that. He'll try again another day.

 

And he does, he wears him down slowly. First, Nick agrees to finger him with absolutely no hope that it'll go beyond that. He gets two fingers in him and, when Louis starts to relax and asks for a third, Nick refuses. 

“I can take it,” Louis insists.

“Next time. Maybe next time. Let's just get used to this, yeah?”

And it turns out he's right because they spend half an hour like that, Nick fingering Louis, and as the minutes stretch on, it starts to not just feel okay, but it actually starts to feel good. When Nick curls his fingers just a bit, Louis feels something he's never felt before, something amazing. 

“Oh my god,” he hisses, arching his back.

“Fuck, did I hurt you?” Nick asks, panic behind his eyes.

“No, shit – no, do that again.”

And he moves his fingers around until his finds the right angle, the right spot and Louis feels it again, deep inside of him. He moans loudly and Nick smiles above him, then lowers his mouth onto Louis' dick. When Louis comes into Nick's mouth while his fingers are buried inside him, it's the strongest thing he's ever felt. It's a feeling that lingers far longer than any other orgasm he's had and when Nick comes up to kiss him, he murmurs “thank you” into the older boy's mouth over and over until the words taste stale on his lips.

 

It's three weeks of this. Three weeks of fingers, three weeks of countless orgasms and he's quite sure that each of those orgasms change him as a person because they have to; they're just that good. It's been three weeks of neediness and begging and it's both the best and the worst three weeks Louis can remember experiencing because, even though it's really fucking good, he still wants more.

So when Nick finally agrees, Louis feels like there should be balloons and a cake because he's so ready for it and he's so grateful that Nick has made him wait, but he's also grateful that the waiting is over.

“Yay!” Louis says in a tiny voice after he's hopped up into Nick's lap, smiling widely.

Nick laughs at him and pokes him in the side and then they agree that they'll do it the next night, after Nick gets out of work. 

And when it happens, it's as good as either of them could have hoped for. Louis is more relaxed this time, not just anxious to get it over with. And Nick is more confident and kisses him as he pushes in. It hurts a little, sure, but not like before. Louis breathes and Nick slowly buries himself before pausing, waiting.

“Doing okay?” Nick asks, his voice strained, and Louis knows this has to be torture for him, Louis clamped around him, but unable to get any friction. 

“Yeah, okay,” he nods. “Move a little.”

He doesn't have to tell him to go slowly because he already knows. He knows that Nick will be careful with him because he always is. Nick moves just a bit, tiny little thrusts and it's enough to loosen Louis up. 

When Louis tells him he wants more, his voice isn't shaking and his eyes aren't filled with fear. So Nick grants it to him, his thrusts getting longer and deeper. And Louis understands now, understands why people do this, because it feels amazing. Not just physically, but the idea of Nick moving inside him, too; it's all pretty mind-blowing. 

When Nick starts wanking him with his thrusts, Louis' hands roam over Nick's chest and he wants to keep his eyes open, wants to memorize Nick's face, but he can't. His eyes fall shut and he moans as Nick grips his hip with one hand and his dick with the other and he's getting close.

“There aren't- there aren't fucking _words_ ,” Nick breathes. Louis rips his eyelids open to look up at him and he's just raking his eyes over Louis' body, before they settle on his face, looking him in the eyes. “No words to tell you how amazing you look, how amazing you feel.”

Louis bites his lip, the familiar feeling building inside of him and he wants to tell Nick that he understands, because he does. He wants Nick to know that he feels it, too, that Nick hovering over him with a thin layer of sweat covering his skin, hips working against him, that it's the best thing he's ever seen. It's the best thing he's ever felt. 

But there are no words and Louis can't speak anyway because he's coming, gripping onto Nick's arms like if he lets go he'll fall away. 

And of all the times Nick's gotten him off, this one takes the fucking cake.

 

(18)

After their last day of classes, Harry and Louis bring a case of beer up to the treehouse to celebrate their freedom. A levels are still to come, but they're done with school and it's an ending of a sort. They've come all this way together and they mean to finish it together.

But it's also the night Louis has decided to tell Harry about the thing with Nick and he's terrified. He hasn't told him yet because he's been afraid that, when the words are spoken, it'll disappear somehow. Like it won't be real anymore and he knows it doesn't make sense, but that's what his mind has decided. 

So Louis drinks his first beer quickly to push back the fear and he drinks the second beer quickly to encourage the words out from where they're trapped in his lungs. Halfway through the third beer, he forces them out, just hoping that they don't end with Harry hating him.

“I have to tell you something,” he says, his voice shaky. “And you might be angry, but just hear me out, okay?”

Harry squints his eyes, worried. But he nods and says “okay” slowly, waiting. Louis takes a deep breath, focusing on the tab of his beer can instead of Harry's face.

“Nick and I, we're- we kind of have a thing. A relationship, I guess you'd say. We're...” And it's hard to explain because they've never really used words to explain what they are. “We're together, basically. Kind of crazy about each other, I think, actually.”

He waits for a reaction, but Harry just looks at him, like he's waiting to see if there's more. And there is, there's so much more, so Louis goes on.

“Remember when I said I kissed that kid, Ben? Well, it was actually Nick. That's why I didn't want to tell you, because it was him and I didn't know what you'd think about that. And there have been other things, things I'd rather not go into detail about right now, but we've messed around a bit over the years. It became an actual thing after that musical last year.” 

Louis takes a breath and Harry's face hasn't really changed which scares him because he was expecting shock and anger, not this stoic non-reaction he's getting.

“And I feel like utter shit for not telling you, I've hated not telling you because you're my best mate, always have been, always fucking will be. I just- I don't know, first I was scared that you'd think it was more than it really was. Then I was scared that you'd be angry. And then I was scared that I'd fuck it up or something and have to explain that to you. I don't know. I'm just really sorry that I've been such a shit friend because you're actually first, you know. You're first to me, you're the most important, and I should have told you all of this a long time ago, but I'm a bit of a fuck up and yeah.”

Louis holds his breath while Harry stares at him and it's just silent and Harry's not yelling, not freaking out, and Louis's just waiting for some reaction because he doesn't know what to do until he gets one. But when it happens, it's the absolute last thing he's expecting. The corner of Harry's mouth twitches up into a small smile.

“Fucking finally, you twat.”

Louis sits, frozen, stunned. He was prepared for anger, but he wasn't prepared for this, whatever this is.

“Lou, honestly, do you think I'm stupid? I know you better than anyone, always have, and I do have eyes, by the way.”

“Nick-?” Louis starts to ask, because that has to be the reason he knows.

“Nick never told me either because you're both giant pricks, but I knew. When you told me you kissed Ben, I knew you were lying, but I played along because I had sort of put it together in my head the night before. I went through the list of boys it could have been and as soon as I thought of Nick, I realized it. I kept wondering why Nick seemed so upset when you brought a girl around and why he was so sure that you were gay. So, I knew it was him, but then you said it was Ben and I played along because I knew there was a reason you weren't telling the truth and I wanted to give you time.”

Louis stares, his forehead scrunched up, and it's unbelievable. He can't even think proper thoughts, his mind is just a jumbled mess of question marks and exclamation points as he listens to Harry speak.

“Then you started dating Jacob and I don't think you even saw it, but Nick was so damn bitter and sulky the whole time and I knew then that he had a thing for you. Then one day I came in here and it stank of weed and sex and you broke up with Jacob right after that and I figured something happened and I waited for you to tell me, but you never said anything. You two just kept looking at each other when the other wasn't watching and I knew it wasn't like you were secretly dating or anything. You weren't gazing starry eyed at each other, you were stealing these quick little glances and it wasn't just me you were hiding from, I don't think.

“And this is where I'm missing a piece of the puzzle because there was that month that you disappeared, remember? You didn't come to the treehouse and when I asked what was going on, you said you were just busy. But during that time, Nick kept coming around and asking how you were and he never asked why you weren't around, so I knew he must have already known. But every time, he asked if I'd seen you and if you were doing okay and I didn't point it out to him because I didn't want to freak him out, but it was the first time I'd seen him like that, you know?”

By this point, the confusing mess in Louis' mind is gone. It's just blank as he listens carefully to everything Harry says and tries to remember to breathe.

“So obviously something happened there, but I don't know if it was a fight or what. Then, when you came back, things were different again. Nick was always quieter around you, but not in a bad way. Like he was always waiting for the next thing you'd say or do because he couldn't get enough. When he said he was going to your musical, that was basically it. I knew he'd fallen for you and I knew that he knew it. 

“And I think you knew it, too, after that night, that you had fallen for him. And still, I waited for you two fucks to tell me, but I didn't want to push you. And I figured it didn't really matter if you told me because I already knew anyway.”

Harry stops and smiles a little and Louis still feels so guilty for not telling him, but he also feels so much affection for his stupidly perfect best friend in that moment that he can't keep from pushing himself up and wrapping his arms around him. Harry hugs him back and they fall against the floor, clinging tightly to each other. 

“I'm sorry,” Louis says once more, because he'll never say it enough, but he needs Harry to hear it again. 

“I know, dummy,” Harry says into Louis' shoulder and he's smiling and Louis' smiling, too, but his eyes are wet and he's just in awe that Harry has been so damn patient and wonderful. He knows he doesn't deserve it, but it's his anyway and he's going to keep it as long as he can.

“Just tell me one thing, yeah?”

“Anything.” And Louis means it. At this point, after all that Harry's done, he'll tell him anything. He releases his grip from Harry's shoulders, sitting up like he's ready to be interrogated.

“What happened when you disappeared for a month?”

Louis takes a deep breath because it's the question he'd expected, but it's the hardest to talk about. He still likes to pretend it didn't happen sometimes, choosing to focus on everything that's happened since that, but he also knows maybe those good things wouldn't have happened without it. And for that reason, Louis doesn't regret it, even if he doesn't much like to think about it.

So he tells Harry all about it, about how he'd decided he was ready, about how he really wasn't. About how it hurt, about how he cried. He tells him the whole thing because Harry deserves it all.

When he finishes the story, Harry hugs him and says he wishes he'd known. And he makes Louis pinky promise that he'll always tell him these things from now on and Louis promises, locking his pinky around Harry's.

Because that's how being best friends works. Like a promise.

 

 

 


End file.
